I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
