Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
