I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
