in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
