let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
