Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Randomize
