do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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