my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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