I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
