I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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