fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
