i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
