I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
