She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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