Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
