I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
