Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
