Already got asked if we're dating
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I will pee on everything he values.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
