He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
