HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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