My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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