I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Im part way to drunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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