Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
