Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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