I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
