just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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