the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
