so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
