I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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