I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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