How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
