She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
