Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
