I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cannot find my penis.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
