i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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