The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
