Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
