I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
