so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
