I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
