just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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