If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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