SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Come on in and take your pants off
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