wrigley field is MILF paradise
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
