Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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