I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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