tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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