Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
