I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
