I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found puke in my bra..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
